Going through a divorce is a difficult time, you both may have matters to resolve surrounding the division of the finances or the arrangements for your children. You can opt for a collaborative divorce or a traditional divorce. The differences are set out below but, if you want a quick understanding of a collaborative divorce, there is a summary at the end of this blog.

Traditional Divorce
A traditional way of resolving the matters arising from a divorce is for you each to instruct a lawyer. You will each tell your lawyers what the issues are and what you would like to achieve. Your lawyers will provide you each with advice and then once each lawyer is clear about what you each would like to achieve, the lawyers will communicate with one another, on your behalf, to see if an agreement can be reached.

While you will each provide instructions to your lawyers, it will be the lawyers who will communicate with one another, this tends to be by way of letters/emails. A lot is lost when communication is reduced to words on paper/screen. So much more can be gauged when people meet face to face to try to resolve matters. Also, the traditional model means you will both have a limited voice, as your lawyers will be communicating on your behalf, and they will be more in control of the process.

If no agreement is reached, then court proceedings may take place, the decision will then lie with a judge who is a stranger. It is difficult to guarantee outcomes, as each judge is a human being who applies the law using their own understanding of the law. Also, a judge is confined to what the law allows them to do.

Collaborative divorce
A collaborative divorce involves you both instructing your own lawyers, who must be collaboratively trained. Collaborative lawyers are focused on trying to help you both reach an agreement in an amicable way through having face to face meetings with everyone present, and everyone working as a team. You will both be present at the meetings, as well as your collaborative lawyers, everyone will work as a team to try to resolve matters and try to reach an agreement which is right for you both and your family. You will both have a say over what is discussed at each meeting. An agenda for what is to be discussed, will be agreed by everyone. You will therefore both have more control over the process.

Your collaborative lawyers will provide advice to you both on the law and the parameters of the law during the meetings. So, the process is a lot more open than a traditional divorce.

The collaborative process enables you both to tailor solutions which are right for you and your family, and therefore you can both be more creative than a judge, as a judge only has certain orders (decisions) which they can make.

As you will both be present at meetings, you will both hear firsthand what one another has to say, will both hear the guidance from your lawyers, and both lawyers are on hand to advise you both regarding the law, and to help you both reach an agreement.

It is important for the collaborative process to work, that you are both open and honest about your finances and issues surrounding the children. Only by being honest and providing full information about your finances, will you both have the information you need to make an informed decision. Also, your collaborative lawyers will need to ensure they have all the facts to help both of you.

The collaborative process may involve having other professionals at the meetings, such as a financial neutral to advise on mortgage capacities or to help you both understand the finances. Also, if you both need help with communicating or your emotions, to ensure you can both effectively engage in the process, then a family consultant can work with you both. This enables a holistic approach to be taken, so that with the right support and information, you can both be helped to try to reach an agreement.

If an agreement can be reached, then formal court proceedings can be avoided, reducing the costs for both of you. Also, court proceedings can be stressful for you both, and the court process can be slow.

A summary of a Collaborative Divorce:

• Allows you both to be in charge of the process.
• Allows you both to have a voice.
• Is an amicable process.
• Allows you both to agree more creative and flexible solutions for you and your family.
• Involves trying to resolve matters at meetings with you both present together with your collaborative lawyers.
• It can be more cost effective than court proceedings which progress to a final hearing.
• It can involve a more holistic approach, utilising the expertise of financial neutrals and family consultants.
• It will only work if you are both willing to be open and honest with one another, and work in an amicable way, and if you both commit towards wanting to find a solution which will work for you both and your family.

If you are interested in learning more about how a collaborative divorce, please contact any member of the Collaborative Family Solutions Team.